Rational Thoughts of an Irrational Mind

The words do not pour from my fingers as they once did.

In my education, I have learned that everyone, even the most seemingly sane, has a touch of every psychological disorder in them. It's called emotion. It's when those emotions are so strong, lasting over a certain length of time, and interfering with our daily lives, that it is truly diagnosable as a disorder.

I have been diagnosed. The anxiety and depression is something I readily discuss. I'm not embarrassed by it as it is what has made me who I am today. What I find quite disconcerting is, although there are many in this world who actually have depression, so many still misunderstand it and mistreat those who live with it.

I don't suffer from depression, I survive it. My depression causes me to be extremely shut off and moody at times. There are days in which I can seem so very upbeat, talkative, hyper, then I will go days/weeks/months behind my wall, silent, watching, and wondering who's out there watching and paying attention. I have learned how to manage it with medication, but also with having friends who have actually taken the time to get to know me and know my patterns. They accept me in all forms and do not take it personally when I fade away for a while. They remind me they think of me and remind me that they are there before, during, and after my phases.

So forgive me when you see a series of posts that are dark and disturbing. Writing is my way of getting the thoughts out, making it easier to move on. Get to know those you cherish. Learn their patterns, love them through it all. And on the day they just cannot stand to face the world, remind them that you are there and still will be when the sun comes out again.

~Kis