Rational Thoughts of an Irrational Mind

In the background: Elegeion ~ "Scars"

I don't understand people. It's odd, because I went to school for 6 years for a degree that at least teaches me to look for reasons in their behavior. All my years, I have forgone myself, my feelings, my health, to take care of others, to try and make them happy. All that has mattered to me is that my friends find happiness, solace, peace. I have damaged myself a lot with this way of thinking and I am obviously aware of that fact. However, I have damaged others too because I mislead people at times because I just don't have the heart to hurt them.

We live in this virtual world where we all hope, in one way or another, that people will follow the mantra that you should not judge a book by it's cover and beauty is only skin deep. Online, one would hope that people would get to know us by who we truly are without the pre-judgement of the superficial.

Unfortunately, the virtual world seems to be much more devastating than the real one at times. I am not really sure why this is. Could it be that we feel so comfortable behind the computer screen that we trust more, open up more? Or perhaps it's because we find those who seem so similar to us, going through the same struggles and the same pains, or at least those who seem to understand.

Maybe that's why we get hurt so much more. It's easier because they possibly do understand, which leads them to knowing our strengths, as well as our weaknesses. They know them and use them against us.

Yes, I realize how cynical this post is at the moment. I realize how bitter and angry I sound. Today I was betrayed yet again by someone I considered to be a friend. Sometimes I think it happens too often. Most times I wonder how it is that I keep allowing it to happen. Maybe this time will teach me to take care of myself more instead of trusting others. I do know that it will take a while for me to be comfortable in SL again.

...maybe that's what I need